Computers: A license to Ill?

License to Own; Computers

Would you give a child a gun? Probably not, it would be a danger to the child and anyone around it.



I propose computers not be given to idiots and license them in the same way guns are licensed. I'm talking registering them with law enforcement, fingerprinting and lockable racks. I have seen too many people with no concept of this technology attempt to use computers. Just because there is a market for them doesn't mean they are safe.

"When computers are outlawed only Outlaws will have computers."

A personal computer, like a gun, is a simply a tool. Each can bring great harm to the owner.

The majority of PC users have little or no understanding of the underlying technology used to manufacture it or to keep them running. We are plagued by viruses, worms and Trojan horses which have made a significant impact on economies and more bandwidth is wasted on Nigerian money scams, vibrating cock rings and Viagra pitches.

Fact: When you are online (da innernet), you are a node on a vast network. You effectively place yourself in the Wild West on the electronic world. It's a jungle out there. If you are "Computer illiterate" you are naked. Its kind of like not wearing condom during your first encounter with a barfly. Your willy is exposed. Get it?

The media is rife with horror stories of online predators trying to pick up your buxom teenaged daughter in a chat room. It's okay for her to look like a hoochie mamma strolling around the Mall with tong underwear poking out of her ass. You don't quite give a shit about where she's at at 2 a.m. But...

"Something must be done."

Yea, don't buying a fucking computer for your daughter if you don't monitor her use of it or even understand it yourself.

The real dumb asses, reality-denying people will, no doubt, attempt to push for legislating away their personal freedoms rather than be responsible for their own actions. Remember when a lawsuit was filed to hold gun manufacturers responsible for crimes committed with guns? Should we sue PC manufactures under this argument?

"A Dell stole my baby!"

The line most often used...

"It's about protecting our children."

"Hell no! It violates my freedom of speech!" Exclaims the parental unit when those rules are applied to them.

"Welcome to my Page, I have 5,000 potential predators."

Which brings me to Myspace. It's your kids’ idiocy that's a problem. Their sheltered little lives don't quite understand the concept of it being a "great big world out there." They post detailed information about their lives, criminal and sexual activity unaware the WHOLE FUCKING ONLINE WORLD can see it.

If idiocy and ignorance in computing is confirmed by 3 people, you should be licensed. Well, that's a real problem because people in the industry can be complete idiots too. There seems to be a rash of computer support staff with MCSE, CNA and various certificates that simply prove they can take tests well but in fact can apply a tenth of what they learned in the real world.

The people associated with web marketing are the absolute worst. They often use smoke and mirrors to bullshit everyone about their god-like skills and vision. No one really understands the Internet but "we, the chosen few." No wonder scores of credit card data is flying around the Internet into the hands of third-world organized crime figures. Ssssh! The "Internet gurus" think they are the only people who are versed in the holy religion of online commerce.

Note to self-proclaimed Webmasters (are whatever title is currently en vogue at the moment. Web-related seminars are marketing events. It's their job to sell you shit you do not need. They do not know any more than you do. You will become one once you are fired.

You can blame marketing for your woes. They don't understand it themselves but if it makes money, there is a market. Damn the impact! I would like to remind you I deeply hate sales and marketing in all its manifestations. It's pure fucking evil and of the Devil (Who runs a very successful campaign I hear). Computing for the masses (like a toaster in every home, Thanks Steve!) is a bad idea. In the old days computers were huge systems where a select group of scientists and engineers needed access to secured rooms to use them. Now idiots breach them with wireless access to them. You used to time-share access at the cost of thousands of dollars to use them. For 300 bucks you can buy one at Wal-mart.

"Locks are made to keep honest people honest."

Ever heard of "Script-Kiddies?" There is a cornucopia of little programs that will ass-fuck your little PC (like prison sex). They are readily available and free for your "little-man" to play with. More than likely your "precious little teenage sunshine" is using them in a criminal act while you are blissfully ignorant getting a tan or bleaching your teeth. Did you know your little Internet connection has thousands of ports? A Script-Kiddies program is like an OCD victim with a thousand keys, it'll try every key to see which one open the door.

One thing the script-kiddies should be aware of; There is at least one person who knows what they are doing, with a vested interest to catch you, very well paid and how to follow the shit-stained trail all the way to your mom's basement. The industry, having lobbied for strict laws to protect their assets and cover their liability will ensure Jr. in ass-fucked in prison. They aren't going to be held responsible for hiring the aforementioned idiots who can't protect their networks, your kid will. The brilliant nefarious crackers who write these programs let others do the dirty work for them. Surprise!
"If you want to play with the big dogs, you have to piss in the high grass."

Are you aware of the PC wars? If you use Windows, you are required to hate the Macintosh. If you use Apple computers you are among the elite "creative types" and you must harass anyone who hints at criticism of Steve Jobs and Co. Linux, which has a multitude of it's distributions, is your forte, you are a god and everything else is trash. Linux will someday rule the world. That someday never seems to come. Like Chuck Norris, you wait.

Don't kid yourself; if you aren't willing to learn as much as you can about computers, you probably don't need one.

I got it bad, real bad

"Man on the moon" syndrome that is. Ever heard of it? It's when you base your expectations on the accomplishments of placing a man on the moon exceed reality.

"How is it we can put a man on the moon but we can't make a cleaner to keep our toilet bowls sparkling white!"

Before we bask in the glorious rays of human achievement and celebrate ourselves as the pinnacle of creation, having dominion over the earth and all it's animals, I'd like to make a few points.

The first successful flight took place on December 17, 1903, within 66 years, on July 21, 1969 we put a man on the moon. Think about this for a moment. Just 66 years elapsed and BOOM, man on the moon. This is an unparalleled event in world history. According to scientists, it took thousands of years to even develop the concept of a wheel. What-in-the-hell!

On January 29, 1886, Karl Benz patented the first practical, gas-driven, three-wheeled automobile. The first four-wheeled vehicle was made in 1891. Thus the car is a little older than the airplane. Ponder this; it took just about 12 years to go from a car to an airplane. Again, I'm thinking: What-in-the-hell!

Now we have all seen bas-reliefs of Ancient Egyptians cavorting around in chariots, peasants pulling ox-drawn carts and it took THOUSANDS of years to even dream of the concept of a self-powered car! Now do you get it? Something is wrong. Great technological feats, but still we can't solve the simplest problems.

I believe built-in cup holders didn't exist in cars before the 1970's, but it took an incredible 84 years to do it. Cups existed before the 70's right? I remember my Mom's old car had a glove-compartment, once opened, that had a place to set, no shit, a TV dinner. Talk about luxury! Now how in the hell would this be warranted over a fucking cup-holder? We put a man on the moon before a cup-holder was placed in a car. So we have cup-holders now in huge SUV's, with air bags, GPS navigation systems for direction, DVD players for the kids, but gas mileage at 15 mpg?

"Ford's Model T, which went 25 miles on a gallon of gasoline, was more fuel efficient than the current Ford Explorer sport-utility vehicle -- which manages just 16 miles per gallon."
-- from Detroit News, 6/4/03 (Published at detnews.com from a Sierra Club Study.

Sidenote:From the Model T collectors site:

How many miles to the gallon does a Model T get?

Model T engines are not terribly efficient compared to modern ones. While our measurements are perhaps less than completely scientific, experience indicates that our T's get about 12-14 miles per US gallon, depending on the country side.Your mileage may vary.

Oracle says: Not much of an improvement is it? How many years has it been?

We can put a man on the moon, but we still can't make cars get better gas mileage? We are apparently fighting 2 undeclared wars for oil in the middle-east (Oh yeah, and democracy too) but still rely on a non-renewable form of energy. This ranks the auto industry as the stupidest people on the planet as well as politicians for supporting this industry. Is necessity the mother of invention? I'm seriously starting to doubt it. I think profit is. The car manufacturers excuse is, "The is a consumer driven industry, they determine the market. We build them what they want. If we don't, our competitor will. It would cost too much to improve mileage, this cost would be handed down to the consumer." Blah, Blah, Blah...

Apparently "necessity" is the mother of invasion in some camps.

Stonehenge is a master piece of human engineering in the ancient world (or so it is said). Incredibly huge stones carried vast distances and carefully aligned to the stars. Some scientists say this functioned as a calendar . Is their a simpler way to build a calendar? Apparently the thought didn't occur to them. Another example of our stupidity. The Mayans were a little smarter, they carved a calendar on stone. Cheers to them, good work. Sure, other ancient civilizations didn't resort to dragging huge stones around for a calendar, but the Mayan calendar was pretty accurate. Of course it took "modern" technology a while to figure this out. I'm sure the Spaniards regarded it as heretical pagan art. Modern science is resting our laurels they don't even have at this point.

Science has no problems publishing the results of studies that say "Sodium Saccharin causes cancer in rats." A few months later eggs "are bad, high in cholesterol" and "saccharin found not to cause cancer." The media loves this, but what is the meaning of this? I would like to see this headline, "Science discovers the difference between shit and shinola." then maybe I can place some faith in science and the media.

Media Excuses - "We just report the facts" (as they change)
Science excuses - "further study has shown..." (So, you didn't finish the first one?)

Science is quick to see the short term benefits of technology, but like the endearing Gomer Pyle, REALITY comes back to say "Surprise, Surprise." You're begging for an example right? Well, rather than use returnable glass bottles, companies make the excuse "it reduces profits to shareholders." Some jackass scientist figures out a way to make plastic bottles from a wad of petroleum by-products and then we hear "Houston, we have a problem." Plastic never degrades! It's laying in landfills forever! Of course it's the publics responsibility to recycle. In some areas you have to pay to recycle waste products. Jerks! So what do they do, try to develop biodegradable plastic bags and bottles. Wow, the sheer excitement of it all.

And then we move on to everybody's favorite subject: depleted uranium! Nuclear energy was heralded to be the promise of the future. Abundant energy for all! Until they found it took thousands of years to decay. BUMMER! Science, always eager to solve the ills of humanity, came up with the elaborate plan to use robotic facilities to put waste in drums, bury them miles below the earths surface and fence the area off with warning signs. An 18th century problem of "sweeping it under the rug" solved in the 20th century. A problem develops, people don't want the shit in their backyard, period. I'm sure some brilliant government contracted scientist said, "We can use depleted uranium to build warheads that can penetrate armor. I mean, we want to kill them anyway right." In Iraq, the problem of depleted uranium causes cancer, people give birth to deformed babies and Americans soldiers die of a "mysterious" malady, coined "Gulf War Syndrome." The government does nothing. Iraq is rapidly becoming more polluted than Chernobyl.

When politics and science merge you can count on problems. Benito Mussolini said,

"Fascism should rightly be called Corporatism as it is a merge of state and corporate power."

For every one problem solved ten more are created. Take the brilliant idea of land-mines, extremely explosive devices buried in the ground, unmarked, to defeat the enemy. Of course they remain there well after a conflict, to blow apart the unsuspecting child or impoverished farmer. The military and powerful government considers this "an unfortunate consequence of war."

In the authors humble opinion, science today is no different than the 18th century snake oil salesmen wandering the western frontier looking for short term gain.

"Today my fair citizens of INSERT TOWN HERE I have brought the Elixir of the ages! A tonic to cure fainting spells, to grow hair where hair was lost, cure the devilish sin on onanism in small children. Why this Elixir has restored my very own health! I was once plagued by leprosy, leprosy I say and restored within a weeks time the healthy specimen you see before you now. It is with a fond and loving heart, filled with generosity, that I bring this to INSERT TOWN HERE for the nominal fee of 5 dollars! Five dollars you say! Why yes, surely your heart can see your loved ones restored and whole for this meager amount!"

People always looked at them with a suspicious eye and no doubt hunted them down when it was discovered to be a poison. People don't question much anymore because marketing is a science far ahead of any other discipline. Case in point, remember the spray advertised on TV for balding men? It worked on thousands of balding men.

I went to the dentist a few days ago and the assistant offered me the option for a fluoride rinse. "No thanks" I replied. The hygienist, I'm sure well educated in the dental sciences, of which a simpleton like me would never understand said, "Adults have the option, but we always insist on it for children to strengthen their teeth." So why is fluoride banned in West Germany, The Netherlands, France, Belgium, Finland, Japan, Italy, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, and Scotland? Hell, the mayor of Johnstown, NY banned fluoride from the towns water supply. Fluoride, the chemical that is considered a waste product in the aluminum and agriculture (fertilizer) industry. Is there a toothpaste made that doesn't have fluoride in it? What don't they just make it ala carte at Chili's so you have a choice. So where is that toothpaste? In order to get the coveted "recommended by the American dental Association" seal, toothpaste must contain fluoride or you ain't in the market. I think most people are aware of mercury being a poison, but dentist still use it to fill teeth. You must wonder why dentists must follow "waste management procedures " when removing mercury amalgam fillings. Does logic exist in the field of dental sciences?

The "man on the moon" has to be a myth or we are being lied to. I want progress that reflects this accomplishment.

And the worst is that we are paying for all this through government taxes. I'd love to see a commercial like this:

"I blew of the legs of a child in Afghanistan."
"I paid for a soldier to die of cancer."
"I helped the automobile industry build gas guzzling cars."
"I support the fluoridation of our water supply."
"I bailed out ENRON."
"I just payed my taxes, everyone does it"
"It's the American way."

Science, government and industry making the world a more polluted place, for you. Be a part of it, pay your taxes or we'll audit you, subject you to a maze of bureaucracy even we don't understand and throw you in jail."

Remember, science will prove that your spiritual faith in a divine being is merely a cultural superstition to help you understand a complex world. The entire known universe is a complete accident, you are a descendant of a monkey. Proof lies in the fossil record (We shelve the stuff that doesn't fit our general theory). Only science can solve the ills of humanity. Don't question anything, you are an uneducated layman. Science is exacting, subject to observation, in a controlled laboratory environment. Blah, blah, blah...

So we can put a man on the moon, but NASA can't account for 565 billion dollars.

Your perceived reality is fiction.

Numbers, Menus and Waffles

Why do the menus at a Chinese restaurants have numbers for items on the menu? I often wonder if they do this in China. Incidently, the guy that took my order was named 'Won.'

Mexican restarants also use the number system. A combination plate was number 18. It got really weird when I noticed the waiters name tag, 'Juan."

Would I have to visit Germany to see an apple pie listed as 'number 4?' As it turns out, no, you only need to visit the Waffle Hut. It looks as though the number system is needed for bleary-eyed barflys, alcoholics and extremely rural folk. Does the Hut's mission statement say: Bringing the mediocre to the lowest common denominator for over 20 years and after midnight!

The Waffle Hut offers:
• a place eat again after you throw up from your all-night bar hopping
• a comfortable place to make that payment for 'services rendered'
• a chance to see what waffles and eggs should like on the menu
• a chance to see what that 'chick' you picked up at a bar looks like under fluorescent lights BEFORE you take her home
• it's the place he'll take you to tell you he's married and plead to go to your house
• an intersteller bus stop for aliens species roaming the galaxy
• a place where teenage Goths can go to 'fit in' and dread suburban life and braces together
• a chance to 'meet family' without being noticed by your friends
• a place Bush supporters can meet to discuss the book of Revelations, the apocalypse and Hal Lindsay
• where Karl Rove gets all of his ideas
• where fundamentalist TV evangelists can meet their homosexual partners and prostitutes in confidence

The Waffle Hut proves there is a market for anything and everyone. It's the one place I truly fear. You really have to be a frightening person to eat greasy foods under those conditions.

Relax, if you don't have a Hut in your neighborhood, no worry, you can see all this and more after midnight in a 24 hour Wal-Mart.