Seeing commercials for pharmaceuticals I often think drugs must be the answer for everything. I'm also quite perplexed that societal decay is attributed to drugs. Crime is the result of drug abuse and drugs cause crime. But if you experience incontinence, have allergies or erectile dysfunction, we have a drug for you.
May cause drowsiness, explosive diarrhea or blah, blah blah. Ask your doctor if Lateproxynixoim is right for you.You can be assured there is a pill right for you if you can assume the risks and pay for it. What if everything had a risk disclosure?
Is there a dairy product right for me? A product with a rich creamy taste that will lift my spirits? IceCreamium is the answer. IceCreamium™ allows you to satisy those hunger cravings and gain the glucose levels you need after an emotionally trying time or a hard day at work.
IceCreamium™ may result in rapid weight gain and sudden headaches.
Re-laxionzhips™ can help alleviate depression and anxiety. If you often feel alone an unfulfilled, a dose of Relationz can improve your life and give you a sense of belonging.
Re-laxionzhips™ can result in unwanted pregnancy, irritability and a difference of personal goals. May also result in infidelity if not taken on a schedule. This product may create a dependency and can be abused if not used properly.
The problem is risks are often not disclosed. If they are known, people don't seem to acknowledge them.
What are the risks of the following? Let's see.
Cell Phones - May impair your ability to operate dangerous high speed machinery.
BMW's - May inflate your ego and result in erratic driving.
Project Managers - Constant irritation and brash behavior. May not be able to perform the job projects they manage. Often set unrealistic time-lines.
Sales & Marketing - May make unrealistic product claims and false promises. Some known to wear short sleeve shirts with ties.
IT Directors - Often make false claims of success from past positions. Fondly remember the days of Novell 3.1 of which they never touched. Takes credit for other peoples efforts with no contributions of their own. (Some are cool).
Web Developers - Attribute their skills to magical powers and impossible web standards. Often overlook internal requests and prone to fits of rage over character encoding and improper use of complimentary colors. Reacts violently to IE and browsers with poor CSS support. Often claim rendering issues and poor page loading speeds is a "server issue" it's never the code. RIIIGGHHHTTT! (I only know one that doesn't have these risks, wink-wink)
Strict Conservatives - Often make grandiose claims about the destruction of civilization from liberals and ignore the real dangers confronting them daily. Extreme fear of the loss of Christmas. May masturbate to audio clips of Ann Coulter.
Washington D.C. - Self-proclaimed capitol of Western Civilization. Worst crime in the US. Officials are the most morally bankrupt. Claim values but usually corrupt. Symptoms include forked tongues. Susceptible to pedophilia and/or money laundering.
Sam's Club Products - Will not fit in any know cabinetry. Product sizes are only safe on Sam's Club pallets in a warehouse. Who can eat six pounds of cheese-puffs for Chrissakes!
Enron Executives - Often result in inflated earning and false projections. Executives often shaft employees and result in defunct pensions and ruined lives.
Fossil Fuels - Will cause dependency and asphyxiation if used improperly. Due to high cost, see if you can apply for assistance to supplement the cost.
Alcohol - May conflict with people on Re-laxionzhips™. May increase the risk of unwanted pregnancy. May inflate your ego and make objects look better after midnight.
War - May cause sudden unnecessary death under the pretense of honor for oil and global hegemony. Loss of limbs likely.
Credit Cards - May result in financial dependency. Users may experience hallucinations of wealth. May react with poorly with Re-laxionzhips™.
Zionism - Will affect lives and property of Palestinians if used in excess. If taken in conjunction with War may produce rocket attacks. If Jews don't use Zionism, will result in being branded 'self-hating' and Anti-Semite.
Fundamentalist Muslims - Will result in explosive diarrhea and vests at any suggestion they may have explosive tempers and vests. Burning flags and people in-effigy possible.
Fundamentalist Christians - Susceptible to drug and alcohol use, and hypocrisy if self-proclaimed morality used in excess. Delusions of grandeur. Improper use of tithes. Self destructive behavior and hopeful of coming Apocalypse. Rabid support of Jews whilst hoping Israel and Jews are destroyed. Extreme fear of homosexuals and sex in general.
Sasha Cohen as Borat - Claims to uncover hidden prejudice while exposing his own. Seeks to destroy stereotypes by creating new ones.
Political Moderates - Too busy trying to live and make ends meet to be effective. Often characterized as wing-nuts extremists by left and right wing extremists.
David Icke - May result in hallucinations of Grandma Perkins and Queen Elizabeth being shape-shifting dimensional reptilian overlords.
Shape-Shifting Dimensional Reptilian Overlords - Extremely fearful world subjects and slaves are buying David Icke books and attending his lectures. Often lament they don't exist.
Conspiracy Theorists - May in fact be on to something but will never be taken seriously by anyone but other conspiracy theorists. Also known as a "Cassandra Complex."
This author (SocialOracle) - Delusions of grandeur. Vanity. Harsh criticism and intolerance of extremist ideology and lack of moderate thought. Doesn't believe in anything but believes anything worth believing in is saturated with abject bullshit.
I have more. If you have not been offended, I apologize. Give me credit, I managed to offend myself.
I think everything should have a warning label we could ignore for a richer more fulfilling life. We should have some type of magic bullet to handle life's travails. This type of insurance needed to cover this is not available to 90% of the world and nobody bitches about the lack of coverage.
