TV and the Remarkable Remote

An early technological feat was the invention of the television remote. Tired of getting up to change the channel? Use the remote!
Zenith is proud to have brought the world 50 years of channeling surfing.
Let me show you there is nothing to be proud of....

Another "we did it cause we could, although it's an inherently stupid" invention.
Since the first remote was a cabled device. Wouldn't getting up would only increase the likelihood on a household accident, which is high in the leading causes of accidents in general? At least you could follow the wire in the labyrinth of your living room like Theseus to find it. I guess the presence of the wire enforced the need to stay put, in order to justify the need to be further away to control it.
So, the wireless remote was developed. No cords to trip over! Another feat of human engineering in the world of tomorrow!
How does the remote control contribute to ease of use? Ever notice you'll spend several minutes trying to find it than just turning the channel? Okay, so the remote saves some "lazy bones" from moving several feet to change a channel. How far does it need to be in order to justify using it? Yep, that 30 inch screen gets smaller the further away you are doesn't it. A bigger TV is the answer! Yep, it obsoletes the old 30 inch TV because it's BIGGER! So now your 60 inch TV can look like a 30 inch screen from further away. Brilliant!
What the hell is the fascination with these behemoth TV's? How big does a TV have to be to get maximum enjoyment of watching trash programming? I guess the value of watching a poorly written and directed story in higher definition is it's own reward. The 30 minute story extended to one hour for another 30 minutes of repeated commercials? Why you could buy a nice used car for the price of one of these.
I had a friend who invited everyone to watch the big game on his HUGE new TV. It had a caller id feature! Wow! You could basically know who was calling, without getting up to look at the phone's display, so you could ignore the call. With everyone being invited, why would those potential calls from friends need to be screened? How does this serve the former citizen, now defined as global consumer?
Why more channels? Is it so you'll have more time to surf channels? Is this just a diabolical scheme to justify remotes? More channels, less useful information? "Nothing's on, you can have the remote" says my beloved. Hmmm, $75 for nothing? This is brilliant marketing, like paying more for water (the most plentiful substance on earth) by volume than oil and bitching about the price of gas. Isn't it amazing we take a crap in water and burn gas? I say it would be a better idea to take a dump in gas and then burn it. We refine oil and pollute water. What the hell?
"Hey Bob, what's that!" ask the Jones's. To which Bob replies, "It's my new 80 inch Plasma TV. Isn't it great! I can watch 200 channels of satellite programs in 5 seconds intervals with picture in a picture functionality. This way I can shorten my attention span and irritate the shit out of my spouse. It comes with a remote that controls only 4 of my 8 devices, but it's voice activated and I don't even have to push a button anymore!"
Can you comfortably brand me a bigoted remote hater? No, my friend you can't, I do like the TV B-gone remote which silences the endless chatter of television. It only took 50 years to develop a remote with one button to turn them all off. Now that's technology. Remember, we put a man on the moon before this little jewel was created.
The marvel of TV is that we can view past events with artistic license, current events saturated in propaganda, and the future with wild speculation. The present is watered down with bullshit entertainment stories, while the real news is quietly suppressed, only to be remanufactured in the future for your consumption and someone's profit.
Remember analog? The massive spectrum of waves encompassing all signals? No more, the new trend is going digital. Digital data is now streaming over a analog carrier in the form of ones and zeros bringing you lower quality data all for the sake of a limited pipeline. Cell phones, Television, CD's and DVD's.
I want my analog world back. Will that be a crime in the future? Are you aware that analog TV's are scheduled to cease?
"Depending on the outcome of discussions in Congress, television as we know it may end at exactly midnight Dec. 31, 2006."
See "The end of analog TV" on MSNBC.
Amazing wordplay for these devices "High-Definition." In reality, it could in no way compete with the wide spectrum of analog. Sure, it looks better, like dyed meat in the grocery store. Do we need redder reds as determined by an array of embedded devices? Of course you do, a television consortium has decided you do.
Just imagine living in a world of color, viewing a black and white world of ideology. Right and Left. Up and down. Liberal and conservative. Republican and Democrat. Right and wrong. "You are either with us, or against us." says Bush, in a defining moment in America. The analog world cannot be managed, the digital can. Is the consciences of man becoming digital? If this is true, will we be remote-controlled?

What you have learned:
• You're being defined by programming.
• Your needs are dictated by commercials.
• You should stay on the couch for prolonged periods.
• Your primary responsibility is to shorten your attention span.
• You must outdo the Jones's in material items.
• Buying more crap improves your status among friends.
• You afford yourself the opportunity to destroy any prior social skills you may have had.
• A team of scientists spent hundreds of man-hours and thousands of dollars to get you to stay on the couch

Confused? That's the goal. Not mine.