One Percent Doctrine of your very own.

Ever hear of the 1% doctrine? It's also called "Cheney's Doctrine" and can be summed up as:

"Even if there's just a 1 percent chance of the unimaginable coming due, act as if it is a certainty. It's not about 'our analysis,' as Cheney said. It's about 'our response.' … Justified or not, fact-based or not, 'our response' is what matters."

Author Ron Suskind wrote the book "The 1% doctrine" that shed light on Cheney's rationale.

What happens when we apply this to everything? If there is a 1% chance...

• Windows Vista will work, upgrade.
• A ladder will result in a fall, don't use it.
• A woman thinks you are nice, propose immediately.
• You can make it home in a drunken stupor, drive.
• The Democrats will regain the majority, resign.
• You may use the "N" word, apologize to Jesse Jackson. Pre-emptively of course.
• You could commit a robbery and get away with it, do it.
• You could eat tainted spinach and survive, go for it!
• You could finish your reading while driving, finish the chapter.
• It's going to be cold outside, wear a heavy coat.
• You may be crazy, have yourself committed.
• If Howard Hughes may be your father, contest his will (May have to write it).
• A rattlesnake will not bite you, use it in a religious ceremony.
• A Project Manager has a clue, hire ten more of them. It'll increase the likelihood of the group being knowledgeable by 10%.
• A faithful, ambitious hardworking employee may make a mistake, fire them.
• Bush lied about anything, impeach him.
• You merely suspect someone is a.) homophobic; b.) racist; c.) atheist; d.) Damn near anything; viciously attack at criticize them.
• Apple Computers may use the Apple Logo for a music service AND you are Apple Corp. sue them.
• Christmas was originally a pagan holiday, don't celebrate it.
• The media is owned by 1% of the population disregard any news as propaganda.
• A major hurricane may devestate New Orleans, buy trailers and await a F5 tornado. (Which seems to be the logic behind FEMA).
• A country you invaded results in a civil war act, as if everything is going as planned.
• 9/11 was not investigated properly, call anyone who rejects the official story a conspiracy theorist.
• The bible is 95% unverifiable, consider it fact.

It seems the 1% doctrine would work at least 1% of the time. It's akin to betting everything you own on the three-legged, blind horse at the track. Sure, the winning would be great IF the horse One Short Twice Blind won, but most likely will remain in the stall. How does anyone, I mean anyone, come up with an idea like this and expect favorable results?

The 1% doctrine appears to be the playbook for qualifying for the Darwin Awards. If not, it could at least be the primary motivator to every intellectually challenged person's "Hey ya'll watch this!" routine. I guess there was a 1% chance a 78-year-old lawyer, Harry Whittington, was a quail, hence the shot was taken.

"It's not about 'our analysis,' It's about 'our response.'" -- Dick Cheney

I guess the most dangerous fucking thing you could do to a person who follows this doctrine is to give them a "Magic 8 Ball." Is the where the phrase "Behind the 8 ball" comes from(No)? Is it the primary policy maker in our 'war on terror?' Seems the 8 ball being used is specially crafted to only have favorable responses (PNAC manufacturing?).

You can play the 1% doctrine at home or work. See what you can come up with and "preemptively" attack.

Please stay away from magic 8 balls and fortune cookies. Your lifespan and mileage may vary.