Evil; It's not as bad as you think

Evil always does a decent job marketing itself, although it does a good job of selling itself without it. Kinda like a major soft drink, they are number one, but they still advertise. It's to maintain the lead over the competition. Still, evil must appeal to new audiences to further broaden it's market share.

What's one way to this? Create a motto!

• Evil, it's not as bad as you think.
• Evil, just do it.
• Got Evil?
• SHIFT_evil
• Evil: It's what your body needs
  
• "Just use the Evil Button"

Well, motto's are great to a point, but how to you build a case for success? Testimonials.

"With evil, I increased my profits overnight, by eliminating the competition!"
-- Ice Water, independent Drug Dealer

"Evil allowed me more time with my family."
-- Grandmother in Rapid Cit, MI

"I was stuck in a job full of people with professional ethics making a paltry living. Now I do what I love and the money just rolls in."
-- Mr. Lay, CEO

"As a preacher, I often wondered what Jesus did during his life. Evil showed me it doesn't matter what Jesus did, but to ask 'what would he do now'. As long as I can make my point and increase revenue for the collection plate. Let's face it, Jesus wasn't strong in finance, but Evil is"
-- Well known T.V. Evangelist

"Evil helped us put a positive spin on Carbon Monoxide. Our clients now see it's benefits. Thanks Evil!"
-- S. Smith, Oil Executive

"Using the techniques described in the 'Inner Dialog: It's all about me' audio tape. I turned charitable contributions into executive office furniture.
-- Former Senator's wife.

"Once we realized the Constitution was an out-dated document which didn't apply to our times, it hit me, Evil Just Works!
-- U.S. Attorney General

"I can finally afford the home improvements I've always wanted using a match and of course, a little evil."
-- Alberque NM Homeowner

"Evil was the principle force in helping us maximize our profit margins using third-world labor."
-- Althletic Shoe Manufacturer

"Evil made me a decider. It showed me how to convince people that parts I like in constitution are all that really matters, not the parts they like. Evil helps me spread liberty."
-- Evil user, Washington D.C.

"Listen, good works don't always elect politicians, sometimes you need to use a little Evil to do what you think is good. It helps turn campaigns around by providing flipping the issue on the opponent. I recommend it.
-- Political Adviser

"I hold public office because evil helped finance my campaign, and I sat on the ethics committee! I got in a small bind, but hey, I'll simply use more evil."
-- Retiring Politician

"Studies show Evil is 33% more likely to succeed than good in achieving measurable results."
-- Leading University Study

We could approach it like a prescription drug:

"If you are like the millions of people who suffer from an active conscience try Evil. Evil puts you back on the wrong track."

"I always felt tired and concerned for other peoples well being. Not anymore! Get Evil!"

"It you suffer from decreased sexual drive, with Evil and a steady regime of strangers, you'll be back in the saddle again."

"I'm a doctor, I have seen the benefits of evil at my practice and recommend it to all my patients."

Disclaimer: Evil may result in eternal damnation, Loss of spiritual direction, temporary euphoria, and explosive diarrhea. Evil may be addictive. A sense of ethics may interfere with Evils effectiveness. Ask yourself if Evil is right for you.

An Infomercial:

"Look at this side by side comparison. Good clearly takes longer than Evil to produce income. Looks like I'm going with Evil."

"You ask, 'Evil is basically fear and doubt, why can't I make it at home?' Good question; While Evil is made from these basic building blocks, it's actually a proprietary blend. Listen, you can get fear and doubt anywhere, but we throw in uncertainty at no additional cost."

"Our competitors product, Good, works well also. Do you have the time and energy to wait for results? No! Evil works by clearing your conscience in minutes. Try that with Good."

Find a better product and we'll offer a free refund (excluding any karma already produced by Evil).

See, evil feels good, looks good and sounds good. Evil frees you from making sound decisions. Why bother with facts? Evil makes irrational thought work. Need to hate? Evil is there. It feeds the ego. You don't have to care, Evil cares for you. Evil is free and makes money. Evil is easy. Stolen wealth feels better than earned wealth.

Evil has a downside, but screw it! Worry about that later. Evil is about now! Success may be temporary, but I you need something to fill that hole now. Your shadow is hungry, it needs food, feed it. Good acts and forgiveness take time you don't have.

Stuff will fall apart and you'll eventual get what's coming. You be embarrassed and all, but then you'll appeal to the people you screwed to help you.

In case of emergency; Break Glass: Deny responsibility and shift the blame.

Evil makes ethical decisions and moral dilemmas vanish! It's like magic! If it's a tough one, use a little more. Evil can turn good people into evil ones too, if used in quantity.

Now this was simply humor gone awry. Good doesn't need a button, it's not as easy, but more rewarding. You don't need a "Good" button, it's inside you.

Sometimes it's easy to see, but it usually doesn't advertise itself as outlined above. The amazing thing is if it you attempt to fight evil too hard, you risk becoming evil yourself. Evil is always right, never wrong. Evil believes in the good cause. Evil will help you "fight the good fight."

Want to get rid of it? Expose it to the light. Want to maintain an evil free environment? Stay vigilant. Want to be free, don't buy into it.