Kratom!

The latest rage is Kratom. A plant based supplement that can do wonders for your health and libido. A parody.

Kratom: The Ultimate Game-Changer For Your Sex Life

Bowl of cereal and ass! What could be better!

The gents here at Return of Kings are resourceful individuals and appreciate tools that enhance their lives. Ambitious men like things that make it easier for them to achieve their objectives.

An endeavour at the top of every man’s list involves creating a fulfilling sex life. While being able to pick up girls and get laid when you want to is important, retaining girls as casual partners and eventually as girlfriends is just as crucial to one’s overall happiness.

Kratom is one of those resources that has proven to be tremendously beneficial for building a life filled with attractive women.

What is Kratom?

Green stuff is natural!

For the guys who are unfamiliar with Kratom, a quick internet search will show that it is a herbal plant from Southeast Asia has been used to drastically lower anxiety, increase motivation, and uplift mood. It has also been used to increase pro-social behaviour as well as productivity.

Kratom is cheap, natural, and completely legal in most places. It’s also effective in small amounts: the recommended dosage is about 2-4 grams. Users have reported minimal downsides. Kratom is classified by different ‘strains’ which can be used specifically for different goals.

1. Kratom Makes The Game Easier For Introverts

Open the game door pussy!

Since most western women are quite boring themselves, they will often gravitate toward men they perceive to be outwardly interesting and fun. A lot of naturally introverted guys sometimes feel that picking up and dating girls is easier for their more extroverted brothers. Kratom is an excellent equalizer that levels the playing field. In addition to lowering anxiety and uplifting mood, many users have found that kratom significantly increases their pro-social behaviour. It can make even a highly introverted guy more comfortable engaging with hot girls and more relaxed around them in relationships.

Recommended Strains: British Racing Green, Green puke.

2. Kratom Can Make You Better Looking

Kratom can match your outfits.

The men who have embraced red-pill beliefs know that looks matter a lot for getting laid and also for keeping women attracted to you for a long time. A lesser known benefit of kratom that several users have reported is that it can suppress appetite and promote fat loss. With lower body fat levels, abdominal muscles become visible and facial features are more defined. The result is a man that is more physically attractive and confident in his appearance.

Recommended Strains: Somewhat green. Baby shit Green.

3. Kratom Makes Physical Escalation A Breeze 

Perform CPR standing up!

Most guys agree that getting physical when talking to an attractive girl is what separates the men from the boys. Being physical right away tells the girl that you are a masculine man that is looking for sex and will give her a great time. If she is looking for the same thing, you’re set. Most guys are not good with physical escalation, so if you can get past the initial anxiety surrounding it you can really stand-out. Guys have noted that kratom’s ability to completely eliminate anxiety has allowed them to be more dominant, aggressive, and physical with women.

Recommended Strains: Not as Green, Pale green, Foot Fungus Green

4. Kratom Can Help You Build A Kick-Ass Lifestyle

Stacks of Greek cash!

In addition to shattering anxiety and drastically improving mood, kratom has been used by men as an incredibly effective productivity booster. Especially at lower doses, it has stimulatory effects and can significantly improve focus. It can straight up let guys work non-stop for longer than they otherwise would have. With more hours put in on your business or career, you can achieve greater financial success. The result for many has been a lifestyle that is more conducive to retaining the hottest girls in sexual and romantic relationships.

Recommended Strains: Medium Green, Kinda Green, LimeSoda Green

5. Kratom Can Make Sex Awesome 

With your wife's sister!

One of the best ways to keep girls around is to be great in bed. Tons of guys have found that kratom is amazing for sex. It makes sex a lot more fun, which can help you get out of your head and instead focus on fucking her like an animal. She will enjoy sex with you more. Another universal finding is kratom’s ability to let guys last way longer in bed before climaxing. The combination of both of these benefits create incredible sex for girls and keep them around for a long time.

Recommended Strains:  Green, Kinda Green, British Racing Green

One reader asks "Is Kratom safe?"

Not if you don't take it.

We aren't endorsing the ingestion, we are simply asking you to possess it. Remember, this is a plant placed on the planet by the creator. It is completely free. The cost only reflects the price of harvesting, packing, distribution and  marketing. This plant can maximize your strength training and libido simply by researching it.


I believe Kratom can have a stunning effect on your life with a proper regime of exercise, a healthy diet, positive cash flow, a sound credit history, self-confidence, intellect, an education and a stable of already sane fuckable women. Regardless of the negativity found here. Buying Kratom works. It's also carbon neutral, gluten free, cage free and recyclable. The plant was harvested during an Equinox in a solemn ceremony by a woman-owned company that's passionate about heath and an equal opportunity employer.


With any supplement there are risks, depending on the dosage, altitude, humidity, speed, rate of descent, ego and the  lack of any of the additions listed above (exercise, diet, etc.)

In some rare cases it may cause death, we like to say "Transitioning to a higher plane of existence." (We have to make this statement because of lawyers.)

8 out of ten paid actors dressed up in lab coats recommended Kratom.

It is natural

Like Uranium and fossil fuels, Kratom is a 100% natural product. It comes from the earth like pit vipers and huge spiders. People say fossil fuels are bad but it powers some awesome luxury cars and luxury cars get you laid. How is that bad for you?

Kratom

What are you waiting for? The future is now.